On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm always down for nudity.
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