guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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