There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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