I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
