So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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