I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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