i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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