I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
