hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
