where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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