Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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