Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
