Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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