to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
