Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
