in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
