Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
