i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
