i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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