dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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