can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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