So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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