You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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