Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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