Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
