I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
