Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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