I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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