My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
