i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
