Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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