It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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