and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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