people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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