just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
