Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
