I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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