My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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