We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
