I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
