I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
