How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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