In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize