she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
