Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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