Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
