What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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