I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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