You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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