If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
