That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
