Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
