wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just cropdusted the office
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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