ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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