yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
