so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
