She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
