why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
