And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize