end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
