I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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