just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
