Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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